Ely Kreimendahl ( @ElyKreimendahl ) Twitter Profile


Ely Kreimendahl

comic, actor, writer, queer old millennial & the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet. @funnyordie @thisisrobotbutt

New York, USA

Joined on 7 February, 2020


  • 214 Tweets
  • 1.9k Following

Trump finally allowing the transition is like when my mom said “okay, we get it now, you’re gay!” when id already been openly eating pussy for 6 years

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I don’t know why my mom blames my first girlfriend for turning me gay when it was clearly elizabeth shue in adventures in babysitting

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Curious about how weird and codependent Jews are? Last night I told @BKreimendahl that we can get a Christmas tree once my parents are dead

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Ok I want to send this but I am a tender hearted TWAT and couldn’t press send! I know he’s evil but I keep thinking about his dripping hair and just can’t be the bully I wish to see in the world

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Gonna DM Rudy Giuliani like “good job on Seinfeld buddy, should’ve stopped there”

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Replying to @masiragz: my mom kurt cobain

hey, wait, I got a new complaint

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my mom kurt cobain

hey, wait, I got a new complaint

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as a jew, im not ashamed of my sexuality but I am DEEPLY ashamed of my secret love for Christmas music

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Ps this is my first dishwasher ever and even though hand washing is annoying I’m not convinced it wasn’t better before! You have to hand washes dishes BEFORE they go in the dishwasher so it’s kind of the same except the unloading is a menial task that makes me wonder why is life

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Nobody told me adulthood is 99% loading and unloading the dishwasher

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the first thing I’ll do post-vaccine that I haven’t done all pandemic long? idk, probably complain about having to go somewhere

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underneath every self-righteous bitch is a sad little baby afraid of her feelings

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Oh no it’s finally happened I am literally out of jokes. should I become an accountant

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wtf am i supposed to do when my tweets keep bombing? find self-worth from within?!

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I’m not just a mental health provider, im also a member! of the mentally ill community

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when parents tell me they don’t let their kids have screen time, im like WOW u are way better than me but i am way cooler than u

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why masturbate when you can scroll Facebook and judge people still going to restaurants

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I’m not a girl, not yet a woman-sized brick of cheese but on my way

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me alone: ugh i so sad and lonely

me with people: ugh leave me alone

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Replying to @masiragz: a look into 2020’s writers room

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a look into 2020’s writers room

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Quoted @funnyordie

Congrats to @ElyKreimendahl, creator of the Best Of The Web Audience Pick, "Women For Biden"! Voting closed a few days ago but we had to give other candidates time to pursue any legal challenges. We can now officially call it. Watch her winning sketch:

thank you @funnyordie sorry I put you on blast 💁‍♀️

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